Navigating Relationship Breakdowns: Finding Support and Healing

Understanding the Impact of Relationship Breakdowns

This week in the clinic, I’ve had several conversations with clients navigating relationship breakdown, divorce, and separation. Sadly, these experiences are common in Australia. Around 30% of marriages end in divorce, and the median length of marriage before separation is 13 years. This often coincides with the years of raising children, when the focus shifts to parenting, and the relationship itself may be less prioritized.

Going through a breakup, no matter the length of the relationship, brings with it a wide range of emotions. Anger, sadness, betrayal, longing, and even a sense of losing yourself are all normal responses. Many people also feel pressure to move on quickly, competing silently with their ex to see who can appear happier, healthier, or more successful. But healing is not a performance. The push to look like you’re thriving—the “glow-up” narrative—can actually bypass the deeper work of processing grief and rebuilding with purpose.

The Dual Process Model of Grief

The Dual Process Model of Grief explains that people naturally oscillate between two states after loss:

• Action: Work, hobbies, exercise, socializing.

• Reflection/Inaction: Rest, withdrawal, sitting with uncomfortable emotions.

  
  

Both states are necessary for healing. Spending all your time in action (distracting yourself) or all your time in reflection (feeling stuck) can slow recovery. Balance is the key.

Practical Ways to Support Healing

Here are some practical ways to support your healing journey:

• Create Small, Predictable Routines: Establish regular sleep, meal, and exercise schedules. Predictability can provide comfort.

• Limit Social Media Exposure: Checking your ex’s profile can fuel pressure to “look okay.” Consider taking a break from social media.

• Allow a No-Contact Period: If possible, create a no-contact period with your ex-partner. This can be easier if children aren’t involved.

• Journal Your Thoughts: Writing down your feelings can help process emotions. You can use pen and paper or voice notes.

• Lean on Your Support Network: Connect with friends, family, or groups who validate your experience and provide support.

• Re-engage with Joyful Activities: Rediscover activities that once brought you joy, such as exercise, walking, dancing, cooking, or reading.

• Give Yourself Permission: Allow yourself to have both good days and hard days. Both are part of the healing process.

  
  

When to Seek Extra Support

There’s no set timeline for recovery, but it may be time to seek professional support if you notice:

• Prolonged hopelessness or despair.

• Struggles with daily functioning.

• Ongoing conflict in co-parenting.

• Feeling fixated or constantly ruminating.

• Simply feeling “stuck” and unable to move forward.

  
  

How Psychotherapy/Counseling Helps

Counseling provides a safe, non-judgmental space to sit with emotions, practice self-compassion, and begin to rebuild. Here are some therapeutic approaches that may help:

• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): This approach helps clarify your values and use them as a compass for future decisions.

• Narrative Therapy: This method supports you in re-authoring your story after separation, shifting your identity from “ex-partner” to “independent self.”

• Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT): This therapy offers practical, future-oriented steps to help you move forward.

  
  

No single approach works for everyone, which is why sessions are tailored to your unique needs, preferences, and goals. These approaches, used flexibly, can help you move forward with purpose rather than avoidance and prepare you for healthier relationships, whether with others or with yourself.

Final Thoughts

Healing from a relationship separation isn’t about how quickly you move on. It’s about giving yourself the space to grieve, reflect, and rebuild in a way that aligns with your values. True recovery is quieter, slower, and ultimately more sustainable than the quick-fix “glow-up” we often see.

If you’re going through a separation and would like support, counseling can help you process your emotions, find balance, and move forward with clarity and compassion. Book a free 15-minute consultation to see if we’re the right fit.

Stephen

Psychotherapist/Counselor.